Healthy self Esteem is the internal experience of one’s own preciousness and value as a person. Regardless of circumstances, appearance, status and rejection of others.
Romans 12 v 3….3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith. Yah/God has distributed to each of you. 4 For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function. 5 So in Mashiach we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.
It is important that we have real self esteem by fixing low self esteem. As a healthy self esteem is to the soul like the inner ear to the body. It balances it and so when we do not have it, we are out of balance. And will either be prone to superiority complex/narcissism or inferiority complex/co-dependency.
The right amount of self esteem matters
Those with an inferiority complex usually derive this from abuse verbal or otherwise. When parents or others transmit a message to children that their value is tied to physical attributes. Like skin color, academic ability etc. Those with a superiority complex have usually been taught to regard themselves as superior to others. And as a result they acquire this sense of fake superiority. Sometimes this happens because they were never confronted or corrected when they made mistakes. Nor guided into acknowledging and taking responsibility for their own imperfections.
So regardless of whether we have an inferiority or superiority complex. Both conditions are derived from comparing ourselves to others and things outside of ourselves for self esteem. This makes it extremely difficult to strike the right balance. It is almost impossible to have a healthy balance of self esteem if it’s source is based on comparison.
Regular sources of Esteem
- Appearance/skin color/fake hair/plastic surgery- 1 sam16v7.. “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Most High does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but He looks at the heart.”
- Wealth/riches.. Ecc. 5v10… He who loves money will not be satisfied with money, nor he who loves wealth with his income; this also is vanity……13 There is a grievous evil that I have seen under the sun: riches were kept by their owner to his hurt, 14 and those riches were lost in a bad venture. And he is father of a son, but he has nothing in his hand. 15 As he came from his mother’s womb he shall go again, naked as he came, and shall take nothing for his toil that he may carry away in his hand. Steve Jobs died and left all his wealth and said he regretted not spending time with his family more.
Nothing in this world can give real esteem
- Knowledge/Education/College degree…1 Corinthians 1 v 19-20.For it is written, I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and will bring to nothing the understanding of the prudent.
- Materialism/big houses/expensive cars…Mathew 4v8…Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor.
- High profile jobs/positions in church/status. Philippians 2v3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.
- Spouses success/appearance and children’s success/appearance. Mathew 12 v 48-50 He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” 49 Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. 50 For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” Luke 14 v 26.. 26 “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.
- Performance and positions in community activities/humanism/volunteerism. John 5v44… How can you believe since you accept esteem from one another but do not seek the esteem that comes from the only Almighty?
There is a better way
Where is the wise? where is the scribe? where is the disputer of this world? hath not The Most High made foolish the wisdom of this world?
1 Corinthians 1 v 20
9 “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me. said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Most High, and serve him only. This statement alludes to the fact that when we use material things to feel good about ourselves, we could be serving Satan who might have used it as a bribe.
Mathew 19v21-24.. Yashiya….answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” 22 When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.23 Then Yashiya said to his disciples, “Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven.
Jeremiah 9v23-24.. 23 This is what the Most High says: “Let not the wise boast of their wisdom or the strong boast of their strength or the rich boast of their riches,24 but let the one who boasts boast about this: that they have the understanding to know me that I am the Most High, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,”
What is the more excellent way
Other esteem is not self esteem. When esteem is based either on one’s own human doing as it relates to others or on opinion or behavior of other people. This is not under our control but is fragile and undependable and can be lost at any time. Eg the stock market could crash and so would our esteem if we were relying on our wealth for esteem. It also relies on comparison which always breeds competition. If I have to be better that some one else to feel good about myself then my esteem is at someone else’s expense. That is actually hate.
Luke 12 v13-18…13 Someone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.”14 Yashiya/Jesus replied, “Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?” 15 Then he said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.”
True self esteem comes from within, from knowing who we are not what we have or what we look like. Real Esteem is derived from The Father’s love for us, which is unconditional acceptance, discipline and self control according to His word and our identity as His children. The natural often models the spiritual and so the Earthly father’s and Mother’s love can help to establish self esteem in children especially if it is like that of The Almighty. When we remain in the Father’s love seeking His esteem, then we have confidence and self esteem which comes from pleasing Him. This eliminates comparison and competition as we can celebrate our individuality knowing we are fearfully and wonderfully made.
When we live for the Esteem of Yah we thrive
1 John 2v15-16. 15 Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father[a] is not in them. 16 For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.
Hebrews 11v24-2624 By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh’s daughter. 25 He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. 26 He regarded disgrace for the sake of Mashyach as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward. The result of a healthy self esteem is that like Moses when we love The Most High we are able to give up this worlds esteem like status in pharaoh’s house, riches and earthly treasure in Egypt and not fear the wrath of earthly kings/bosses etc.
“Be careful not to perform your righteous acts before men to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. 2So when you give to the needy, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. Truly I tell you, they already have their full reward. 3But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing,…Mathew 6 v 1-3