What exactly is self love one might ask? Although it may seem that the word is self-explanatory, it all depends on everyone’s concept of what love is. “Many of us have been subject to a variety of messages around self-love and how to cultivate it. We may have been told that we “can’t expect anyone to love us until we learn to love ourselves.” But for those of us who’ve experienced childhood trauma, difficult relationships, or any number of other painful experiences, learning to love ourselves may not be as easy as it sounds.” What Self-Love Truly Means and Ways to Cultivate It (betterup.com)
Ever since the fall of man we have been lacking in our ability to love. And this has become evident through our broken families and dysfunctional relationships. The Most high has given us a roadmap for us to learn how to regain the ability to love. He sent His son to pay the penalty for our disobedience, so we can be reconciled to The Father and so receive His love.
Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, 19 that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not [a]imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation.
2 corinthians 5
Man’s disobedience led to his being dispelled from the presence of The Almighty. This means that the help he needed to be the best human was no longer available. Man was created to need a relationship with The Most high. Which is why even with fame, wealth and popularity they still have a void and are incapable of true love, of self or neighbor.
The Road map
What does the scripture say about it.
Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
37 Jesus/Yashya said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
38 This is the first and great commandment.
39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.
Mathew 22 v 36 – 40
The above statement is the formula that has been provided by The Creator to teach us how to love ourselves. It presumes that if we love The Most high with all our hearts mind and soul, we will love our neighbor as ourselves.
It seems that the blue print for love has been provided by the creator.
How do we love The Creator and ourselves
“Whoever does not love does not know God/Elohim, because God/Elohim is love”
1 John 4 v 8
This clearly explains that in order to love we must know The Father.
Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.
16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.
17 And the world passes away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God/Yah abides for ever.
1 John 2 v 15-17
For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.”
1 John 5 v 3
The Father’s kind of love versus the love of the world
So from these passages it seems like The Father’s kind of love has 3 components that are opposite to the love of The world.
- Self control is an attribute of the Father’s love as opposed to the lust of the flesh. The lust of the flesh alludes to people wanting/desiring what they think will satisfy them. The issue with lust is that it is not satisfied by getting what it desires. The opposite is actually true that self denial/self discipline is what cause us to be satisfied with what we have.
“For God did not give us a Spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control”
2 Timothy 1 v 7
2. Self care and acceptance would be what we need instead of the lust of the eye. The lust of the eye is constantly seeking perfection and so it is never satisfied with what it sees. Consequently It compares self to others. However the love of the Father is able to cause us to see ourselves through the Creator’s eyes and agree with Him.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
psalm 139 v 14
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
Self acceptance is not looking for perfection, but for what The Creator endorses. Not looking to improve self but to care for self.
3. Self awareness/ esteem is also how The Father’s love differs from the love of the world. Instead of the pride of life which is what the world uses to measure self worth and self esteem. If I have a nice house or car and proper education then I have value says The world. While The Father says know who you are as a part of my kingdom and let your worth come from that. Seek to serve me by keeping my commandments and let your worth come from that. So our worth should be derived from our character not our possessions.
Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. 9 “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.”
10 Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’
Mathew 4 v 1-11
So practically how do we grow in this love.
All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not.
1 corinthians 10 v 23
All addictions point to a lack of self control. Whatever has mastery over us, eg. food, sex, social media, gossip etc is our real master. These things usually will be harmful to our wellbeing either physically, emotionally or spiritually. So unless we have self control in all areas of our lives we lack self love and can be induced to do ourselves harm by the evil one. True self love care for self.
In order to get self control which is a gift from The Father we must use our free will to put our Idol ( whatever we are addicted to) on the altar and then ask Him to take the lust/desire away.
17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
James 1 v 17
How do we stop comparing ourselves to others and learn to appreciate ourselves as we are.
2 For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.
13 But we will not boast of things without our measure, but according to the measure of the rule which God hath distributed to us, a measure to reach even unto you.
14 For we stretch not ourselves beyond our measure, as though we reached not unto you: for we are come as far as to you also in preaching the gospel of Christ:
15 Not boasting of things without our measure, that is, of other men’s labours; but having hope, when your faith is increased, that we shall be enlarged by you according to our rule abundantly,
16 To preach the gospel in the regions beyond you, and not to boast in another man’s line of things made ready to our hand.
2 corithians 10 v 12
This scripture suggests that we need to know our purpose in the Creators plan or kingdom and be satisfied with fulfilling our calling, not trying to do what others are called to do. This includes being satisfied with how we are designed/created as well as our role.
This means in order to overcome self-deprecation and comparison we should seek The Creator for His plan and purpose for our lives and seek to fulfill that.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29 v 11
When we randomly choose our plans based on what others are doing there is nothing to stop us from being jealous of others or envy their outcomes. Where as when we seek to go by the Creators manual and His plans for us we can be content.
The third aspect has to do with not using possessions to determine our worth. How really foolish can we be. Nothing in this world adds real value to us as nothing can be taken with us. It is truly our character that should matter most of all. Changing our minds to this way of thinking helps to bring us into a place where our worth is truly dependent on our obedience to His will, not on what we acquire.
Even the credit score system is based on how well you pay your debt and not only how much money you have. Because it is seeking to assessing character as it relates to finances.
Self is the template that we get to practice on
12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.
Mathew 7 v 12
If we learn with the help of The Father to treat ourselves well then loving our neighbor as ourselves will mean treating them well too.