The scriptures is a book about relationships between The Creator and His people. There are important lessons to be learned from what is recorded that can literally make us experts at relationships.
Some vital elements that come to mind are Communication, Compatibility, Boundaries, covenants, confession/acknowledgement of guilt, repentance, forgiveness.
Communication
The Most High tells us through His word to pray without ceasing and to sing psalms and make melody in our hearts to Him. He also tells us that ” The eyes of /Yah/the LORD are on the righteous, and his ears are attentive to their cry;….This lets us know that those who have a very good relationship with Him are encouraged to have ongoing conversation and communion. From our relationship with Him we learn to express our thoughts, feelings and concerns as well as our gratitude, praise and affirmation freely and often. We also learn to listen, “my sheep know my voice”, says Messiah.This prepares us to do the same with people whom we are in relationship with. Good communication is one of the signs of a healthy relationship.
Compatibility
The word asks the question ,How can two walk unless they agree? It also says do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. Notice that The Almighty does not force us to walk with Him. In the story of the prodigal, His father gave him his inheritance and allowed him to leave his house when he wanted to. The Most High always respects our autonomy and our right to free will and choice. And that is why agreement and compatibility is so important. Whenever people disagree on important issues or values then it is best if they agree to disagree and not try to make a binding relationship.
When two people hold different world views, in order for an agreement to be reached , one would need to manipulate the other into agreeing with them. When people disagree on fundamental issues, it is like two people trying to row a boat with one going north and the other going south. That boat is likely to turn over or stand still with out making any progress. If The Most High can allow us the freedom to choose whether we want to walk with Him or not. Then we should be willing to do the same with others.
Boundaries
Through out the scriptures we notice that boundaries were always established by The Almighty to govern His relationship with mankind. Boundaries is a process of determining what behavior we will accept from others and what we will not. As well as the consequences if they are not observed. Even room mates who establish boundaries have better relationships.
In the garden of Eden he told Adam what was required of Him if he wanted to stay in it. And when he did not comply he was asked to leave. Cain and Abel brought offerings but Abel’s offering fulfilled the requirements of being the best or the first fruits so it was looked upon more favorably. In Deuteronomy 28, The children of Israel were told what they should do if they wanted His blessings. In Hebrew marriages a ketubah is written that outlines the boundaries of both husband and wife, that they agree to on the day they come into covenant. The importance of boundaries cannot be overstated.
When boundaries are established up front then it helps to protect the relationship from unnecessary chaos and drama. It also provides a blue print that determines the code of ethics that will be followed by those involved. This then makes it easy for each person to know when they have offended the other.
Covenants
Covenants are contractual agreements that are legal and binding. In the scriptures they were sealed with blood in most cases. The Almighty made a covenant with Abraham .He then walked through a animal that had been divided in two to let Abraham know that the agreement was serious. The Messiah when he had supper with his disciples gave them wine and said this is the new covenant in my blood. He knew he was going to die the next day to seal it. Covenants are meant to bind the parties to an agreement and commitment to each other. Covenants yokes us to the one we are in covenant with.
Obviously they should not be entered into without divine guidance and approval.
Woe to the obstinate children,” declares Yah/the LORD, “to those who carry out plans that are not mine, forming an alliance, but not by my Spirit, heaping sin upon sin;
Isiah 30 v 1
So another key to having a successful relationship is the ability to be faithful to a covenant.
In our relationship with The Almighty he remains faithful always and even had to divorce Israel because of her infidelity.
And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also.”
Jeremiah 3 v 8
Confession
We are told in 1 John 1 v 9-10 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. So since we are human and made from dust, we are very imperfect and full of flaws and weaknesses. The ability to admit that we are wrong then becomes critical . If we are to be in a vibrant healthy relationship with The Almighty and others. Some people have a hard time admitting guilt and that makes it difficult for them to be in a healthy relationship. Even with The Most High as well as others.
There is something about confessing our guilt that makes it easy for the person we have wronged to offer forgiveness. It also takes the burden of guilt from us. And is like a balm that heals any wounds that were created by the offense. No relationship can truly thrive without it.James 5:16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed.
Repentance
It is also necessary that we be remorseful about our wrong doing and show that we want to change our behavior. We may lack the strength to change but we should never lack the desire or willingness to. The scripture refers to those who continue offending The Almighty with out remorse or regret as reprobate.
If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left.
Hebrews 10 v 26
. The plan of salvation makes a way for us to come as we are to Him. But it does not give us permission to stay as we are. No one wants to be in a relationship where your boundaries are being violated over and over deliberately; and there is no remorse of effort to change.
We must be willing to work with each other and help each other to become better , iron sharpens iron. The Most High extends his favor to us to help us in our weakness. And we should also be willing to extend help others in their weakness. Romans 15v1 We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Galatians 6 v 2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Messiah.
Forgiveness
It is hard to forgive without divine help and favor, but no long term relationship can exist without forgiveness. The Almighty forgives us over and over as long as we have a broken and contrite heart. The only time he does not is when we are blaspheming against The set Apart Spirit.“I tell you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven.” This is basically when a person refuses to acknowledge their guilt when they are convicted by The Spirit. This means that they deny Him. In this condition which is also called reprobate there is no forgiveness. Because this means there is no interest in being in a relationship with The Almighty.
Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation
However only The Most High can withhold forgiveness because only He is perfect.
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
Mathew 6 v 14
We must all learn to forgive as quickly as possible, whether the other person repents or not. If Boundaries are in place they will protect us from ongoing hurt; but revenge and bitterness are not an option for believers. Forgiving someone is giving up the right to judge them, it is not necessarily reconciling with them. even the Almighty requires repentance for reconciliation . Romans 12 v 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for Elohim’s/God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says Yah/the Lord.
Joseph did not reconcile with his brothers until he had made sure they had a change of heart. He had forgiven them and was willing to help them but refused to let them know who he was until he had tested them to see if they would be willing do do harm to his little brother who had now become the father’s favorite. They had sold him into slavery years before because of jealousy and he wasn’t about to reconcile with them unless he could be sure they would not betray him again.
Let us learn from The best, so that we can have healthy and intimate relationships. We can be witnesses that show the world what love looks like and by so doing lead others to want to know the source of love. Our Creator, the one who sent His son so that we could be reconciled to Him. If you want more information about having a relationship with Him please leave your email in the link below.